Segullah Journal

OUTSIDE, THE WIND IS BLOWING and there is a chill in the air. My thumb has stiffened and I can’t bend it. Cold weather days, when my thumb is stiff, remind me of my father. One winter evening my brothers and I lined up against our kitchen wall and Dad faced us, holding a pencil. With [...]

Honorable Mention, Heather Campbell Personal Essay Contest I AM IMMEDIATELY SUSPICIOUS about the origins of the mountain of produce my sister has left for me on the countertop. It is too much food, and from the packaging I know it cost too much money. A quick look at the labels tells me the harvest is from the [...]

ON A DAY OF SMELLY LAUNDRY MOUNTAINS, a day when I felt mother-grumpy, my grandma’s letter arrived. She had typed it out and sent copies to all her young-mother granddaughters. I opened it hoping, in a weepy emotional way, for a tender mercy, something to ease my fatigue. The letter did not disappoint. My grandma wrote, [...]

I LOOK LIKE MY SISTER. We’re not identical, mind you; if we stand side by side, you’ll be able to tell us apart. Elaine is two inches taller, for one thing. My hair is more blonde and less thick. She is far less freckled, and my skin is paler. She has the nose I wish I [...]

MY GRANDMA JENSEN COULD MAKE the perfect bowl of Cream of Wheat. The kind that would glide smoothly up a straw into your mouth to be greeted with delight by your tongue. As a child, I was unaware of how long Grandma labored over her old avocado-green stove, stirring the smooth mixture to perfection. Cognizant only [...]

IN THE PHOTO I am leaning in stiffly, artificially, with an exaggerated smile. The man at my side is not leaning back. Although the couch is crowded with people, there is a visible gap between my grandfather and me—narrow, maybe, but deep. When I first pulled the picture out of the envelope, the only thing I [...]

“ . . . AND PLEASE HELP Mommy and Daddy to have another baby. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.” I remember saying those words night after night by the side of my bed in our New York City apartment, the only child of two incompatible personalities, the only link that held their marriage together for twenty-four [...]

“SOMEONE IN MY FAMILY is coming to visit me,” my mother says, tears spilling out of her eyes as she hangs up the phone. Though this doesn’t sound like something that would normally provoke tears, knowing my mother’s story, her roots—and thus mine—illuminates the present moment. Unlike my dad, who grew up in North Avondale, Colorado, [...]

MY GRANDMA HAS LIVED two lives. She’s lived one life here, in St. Louis, as my Grammie—feeding her grandchildren cucumbers dipped in sugar, taking her first driver’s ed class when she was seventy-two, yelling into the telephone to make sure her voice made it all the way to my house, bossing her daughter (my mother) around [...]

THE SPAGHETTI NOODLES always arrived from Portland in a two-foot long box, carefully curled in half at one end, which made it just possible to ease them slowly into the rapidly boiling water and cook them whole. We never ate them whole except when we had the missionaries over for dinner. It was Dad’s favorite way [...]

We are watchmen for your safe passage; pacing at the harbor, readying for unloading, the bustle, the clatter exclamation, reunion. but for now, we, watchmen wait impatient knitting together our nets, our brows, our families, passersby. coming or going? they ask, and we smile. staying, continuing, watching, ever hoping, ever vigilant, until, with wind’s last [...]

SOMETIMES I FANTASIZE about being Catholic. I don’t understand much about Catholic theology, but I love the mystique that shrouds their traditions—the flickering candles, the rosary beads, and the Gregorian chants. I also seem to have a natural affinity for sackcloth and ashes. Sacrifice and poverty don’t scare me. In fact, I bet I would [...]

I AM CLEANING OUT THE GUEST ROOM closet in my dad’s house when I find a quilt wrapped in plastic with only its backside showing. I call to my brother Matt. He has lived here the longest and seems to know the most about the closets and their contents. He’s been married only a few [...]